if you would just realise..

To the owner of Soho and Ipanema: please please, at least think about having a ladies' night? it would probably make a significant difference in your revenue, considering all the other venues that have ladies' night that i know of are pretty much packed while yours stays quiet and plays cheesy old techonofied music, which, while i like the originals, sound so damn sloww..please don't send people to beat me up. it's my own crappy opinion which counts for pretty much almost nothing amongst your scores of customers.

why are there no photos? guess cause i didn't take photos without people tonight. it is one and one quarter of an hour into valentine's and my only male companion is snoring in his own bed (or not), hopefully dreaming of all those precious valentine days he spent with his wife. at least i know they had one good valentine's together, in India of all places! the Old Man gave her a (ugly-looking but at least the thought counts :D ) gold pendant which is probably in the bank now.

my most memorable valentine's: i was sick as a dog, but was welcomed with tea-lights spelt in my name, a whole heap (as in, heap) of presents, including a meter-high card which has now been shoved to the back of my wardrobe, a plate (or two) of purple risotto (which tasted pretty damn good, i think things that other people cook for you always tastes better than things you cook yourself) and a bouquet of roses plus one. sounds great eh? how things can change. still, i'm grateful that i had at least two great valentine days.

the question now is, who do i want, or do i even want anyone? i have thought and thought about it till my head ached and i still don't know the answer. sometimes it's this, and sometimes it's that. i told someone (i think it was Genius) that i wished there existed a device that measured your emotions, you would hold it to your chest and it would tell you exactly what you were feeling or thinking, so you wouldn't get confused. is this why i hang out with people younger than me? because i haven't matured enough to know myself well enough to know what i'm feeling? in all honesty i shouldn't even bring it up, some of them probably know themselves more than a person who's lived well into his 60s.

the only thing i know for sure is that i don't want to be alone. i have tried my hardest to be okay with it. but maybe some people are just not built a certain way. at least i know well enough not to use this as an excuse to hook myself to the nearest possibility. at this very very moment, my feeling is that i am waiting, biding my time until he realises...just realises...and then everything will be okay..more than okay..everything will be just right.

what a joke eh? wake up!!!! still..i can't help but cling to my sliver of a hope...